Given the chance, any ant will cheerfully skitter up the pants of any Floridian. It has been written. So it was probably only a matter of time before they scurried their way into my column. On walks around our fair city, I’ve become somewhat inoculated to Floridian ants’ sophisticated feats of engineering. I tend to forget that beneath what looks like puffy mud-balls … [Read more...]
Sunny Side Up: Oranges
People think I’m eventually going to run out of quirky things to write about life in Florida. I’m not even close. Not while I can think of things like oranges. Oh, the humanity! The maledictions oranges secret behind their smug, face-puckering peels sends shudders down my rind. As kids, how many times did our mothers tell us to quit whining and just eat our orange … [Read more...]
Sunny Side Up: Grass
Mowing grass. I really don’t get the point. Well, I get a lot of little green ones, ha. But I really hate cutting them. My hunch is that lawn servitude evolved over time. A cavewoman thought, Oh, clearings are so lovely. What if I gathered a swath of these delectable little plants and rooted them in front of my cave? She tell husband, “Grunt, grunt, … [Read more...]
Sunny-Side Up: Adventures in Spooning
I knew I’d get you with the title. The old bait-and-switch. But what were you thinking? This is a family-friendly newspaper. For shame. No, I’m referring to spoon carving, something I’ve become obsessed with over the past five years. And what does this have to do with life in Florida? Well, Florida has lots and lots of trees. More species here than in any other state in … [Read more...]
Sunny Side Up: Soccer
On the lighter side of the Nonahood, this is a column about the humorous realities of life in Central Florida. We must choose to laugh and sweat rather than cry and sweat. Sports in Central Florida: Should they exist? What follows is a pain-riddled case study. My first encounter with a sport in Florida was in college, playing soccer in Daytona. I scored a fantastic … [Read more...]